stocks and blondes

I know that some of you get Kamrin's weekly e-mails, but I wanted to share this part with everyone to brighten up your Monday:

"Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to-- read this letter:

i had a good week. we had 9 lessons. that's a lot for our area right now.
They don't do halloween here, like you thought. BUT i am going to. and i will tell my neighbors about it so that we can go trick-or-treating.
     
PARAGRAPH #2:    SO. i know you are wondering what my friend LANCE did or said this week. we went to his house on thursday and he started telling us all about this stock trading manual he just finished reading. which contains the true secret of how to get rich without doing any work!!!!!!! you can make loads of cash in your own living room!!!!! Tried and tested methods, proven to make you rich and successful!!!!!! we found out he is about to sign up for one of those get-rich-quick pyramid schemes. He is also going to sign up for one of those fake online stock-broking programs. He calls it a commodity trading program, says people make thousands of dollars on it.. To me, it looks like online monopoly. He and his roommate are becoming "business partners" and opening up a bank account together. They asked my companion to sign all their legal documents saying that he is the witness for all their partnership stuff. And my companion was happy to do it. haha. So now he is the legal witness for a joint-trading ukrainian-american bank account, shared by a pony-tailed Canadian cowboy and a low-ridin gangsta engineering student from Nigeria.   uh-huh. yeeeeppp.

Speaking of my companion. If he were a crayon in a Crayola box, he would be the one called "barbie blonde." evidence supporting my theory: Yesterday he burned himself on the stove. he ran into the other room to give his finger some instant medical attention. he threw on a couple BAND-AIDS and then suddenly everything was better. i didn't understand. i told him to put it under cold water or something, use some aloe vera. him: "WHY?.. LOOK, i just put bandaids on." OH, now i understand. me: "if you use three bandaids instead of two, it will heal three times as fast." him: "this box is empty! we need to go by more bandaids."

More evidence: this week he asked me if ties come from Thailand."

Anna, I still love you.

So I must have missed the memo about writing about Anna... So Anna, please don't take it offensively.
ANNA,
Oh what a girl! Just cutting to the chase, you're the most close to perfect person that I know. We've had so many memories together that I will never forget- from meeting in gym class to traveling to Europe. I can't tell you how lucky I am that I met you! Here are the reasons why I love you:

single and ready to mingle

{Just as background, I get a lot of weird e-mails at work.  Like a suspicious amount of weird e-mails.  The majority of them are like this, but I've also received some from princes, wealthy dead people, and an African sexologist.  A tiny part of me believes that this e-mail is secretly from Kamrin.}

Hello sweetie,

My name is Judy, i am 25yrs old, i'm a free minded,open hearted girl, i like to take life as easy as i could, i'm one of the few that still believes in friendship, love, trust and signs, am very much single and ready to mingle. was browsing through the internet and came across your contact,it will be my sincere pleasure to be your friend if you don't mind, i hope you will not take my request for granted,feel free to email me, i will appreciate it if you can send me some pics to my private email address, i look forward to hear from you soon.

Take care.

Judy.