Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Twilight 4 aka Breaking Dawn aka Cinematic Gold

Have any of you ever wondered how much you would be willing to risk for true love? Have you ever considered what lengths you would go to, just to save the life of your own child? Could you even imagine trying to fight against some twisted dichotomy of your heart while enduring these other excruciating trials?

Have you ever thought about how hard it would be to be a heroine as amazing as Bella Swan? (Sorry, Bella Cullen.)

In order to truly understand these difficult questions, we eagerly went to the matinee showing of Twilight 4. Large drink and popcorn bucket (and maybe a few tissues) in hand. The air in theater was pungent with the aroma of anticipation, excitement, and a blend of at least 524* teenage girls' perfume.
*actual capacity of the theater. I called and asked. 


Our seat mates couldn't have been more perfect. The girls behind us giggled and clapped with delight each time Jacob walked on to the screen.

"OMG. He is so hot" or "He is sooo sexy" or "I want to have his werewolf babies"... alright maybe I made that last one up.

The couple to our left was even better. Any time there was a declaration of love during the film (which, as you can imagine, happened quite frequently) they promptly began kissing and groping one another. For example, those of you who have read the book willl recall that Jacob imprints on Renesmee, the vampire baby whose unique name quality is reminiscent of a black woman named Raeshonda.

During this scene, the man turned to his girlfriend and said "I imprinted on you." She gasped at the romance of it all and they kissed for the next three minutes. It was a beautifully original sentiment and we were left envious that we did not have a man with as much passion as him.

And the children. What would a movie experience be without children walking in and out of a movie with scenes very inappropriate for their age? Two wandering kids periodically cried out "MOMMY!" searching for her in the audience and walked out when she ignored them.  There were also a few strollers in the aisles.

As for the actual movie, it was incredible. The wedding scene was exquisite, completed by ill-fitting brown and gold contact lenses on the vampires and an awkwardly intimate scene with the bride and her old pal Jacob. The honeymoon was also sufficiently awkward, with a very conspicuous lack of Edward's abdomen. Clearly the producers realized there would be no competing with Jacob's shirtless physique and opted to show lots of Edward's not very muscular back. I must say I was grateful for this because I was traumatized Edward's  glittering yet hairy chest  and stomach in New Moon.

Also, even though the majority of us knew what was going to happen next, the whole theater almost threw up together multiple times :
1. When Bella drank blood to feed her baby.
2. When Bella chose the name Renesmee.
3. During the sound effects of the seizure inducing birth scene (in which Edward bites the umbilical cord.  Thankfully, you don't see it but you can hear it. Oh, can you hear it...)

The entertainment value of this whole experience was priceless. I felt as though all of girl world had been united by the cinematic phenomenon.
We wouldn't have missed it for the world.

2 comments:

Audrey said...

hahaha I love you Jane

aubrey said...

haha oh jane.... i miss you!